When will our society learn to stop putting women on such a high pedestal by blaming them for wanting outside help when it comes to childcare or running a house? Within desi families, the mother is more than ever made to live up to the image of a “super mom”: she must be the perfect wife, bahu, hostess who makes the best food and keeps the house clean and not to forget the perfect mother whose children are solely brought up by her and must be well behaved and polite. If she makes a mistake or fails to meet these expectations our judgement of these mothers falls to personifying them “lazy” or “bad examples”, when mothers are human beings like anyone else who do not need to prove to men especially that they can handle everything on their own.
This conversation sparked on Twitter when a man decided that he would judge women for choosing to hire nannies and help for childcare and house chores, without assuming whether the men she was living with are also helping her or not
I judge anyone who uses a maid/nanny to help with their kids. I’m sorry but it is what it is.
— RL (@RizWanKenobi_) December 21, 2021
Women on Twitter were quick to come in defense of the mothers this tweet was targeting by questioning that why were such expectations solely thrown over women? Why aren’t men questioned about why they aren’t putting more effort in taking care of our house chores and the upbringing of children? These are the same men who think the next generation has been brain washed because mothers let them listen to baby shark on their phone or watch too much television, but it’s still completely acceptable for ignore the exhaustion and poor mental health of mothers who must toil all day to keep the house clean and children safe without having a proper wage or rest?
Our society needs to let go of the ridiculous belief that because a man earns he is exempted from completing house chores. It’s his house as well and also his children, so therefore he has a responsibility to make effort in this.
Whoever has not spent a complete day with their kids and gone through everything a new mother who has birthed a whole human goes through, is not qualified enough to give such a statement out of ignorance. Career concerns and Me time tou chalo aurton ka haq hai hi nai na 🙂 https://t.co/uEdbPqJYCS
— Sofia Ali (@SofyaAliKhan) December 22, 2021
tbh i dont think anyone would hire nannies if their husbands played an equal part in raising their kids. from my personal observation, mothers are always expected to take care of a baby’s needs whereas the dad does fuck all. so if we should judge anyone, it should be the fathers https://t.co/fumlY0cW0r
— haider (@hdralt_) December 21, 2021
Local man judges, hiring nannies where men don’t have to perform parental duties… Ever… https://t.co/fJzXqG0ME8
— Isma (@Misa___i) December 21, 2021
And also if a woman is employed and must earn to make sure the house keeps running, why can’t she hire help to take care of her children? Why do we consistently demand mothers to keep performing the triple shift burden and isolate them this way if they admit that they need help? Motherhood is a tough job and it is never shameful for any woman to admit that she needs help in taking care of her children. It’s especially not shameful if a woman wants to continue pursuing her education or her career after having children.
Ok will tell my sister who juggles between 3 jobs, a Master’s and managing a household that RizWan from twitter is judging her for hiring extra help. Absolute shit take. https://t.co/reiLZPSSCy
— Yahya Aftab (@__erebus) December 21, 2021
We have no idea what goes on in people’s lives and homes—who is working multiple jobs, who is ill, who is also going to school, who doesn’t have familial support. If you need the help and you can afford to pay them fairly, hire them and don’t worry about anyone judging you https://t.co/Dvmo1OEc00
— sohni (@sohnianika) December 22, 2021
I was raised by a nanny because mom had to work full time to provide for her three young kids.
Judging is easier than experiencing someone else’s life. https://t.co/Pw7nFyND1b
— Ancient_Soul (@NyaPakPuraneLog) December 22, 2021
So to any man reading these tweets and shaking his head at the fact that women actually want to have lives outside of taking care of their babies, do everyone a favor before speaking and actually take care of your house and your children to understand the situation women are made to go through. And to Pakistani women, it isn’t shameful to admit that you want help to take care of your children. You deserve rest and a decent wage if you’re a housewife because it’s an impossible duty to carry and most of all women deserve empathy from our society for not being perfect all the time.