In defence of mothers for hiring help to take care of their children and the house

women shouldn’t be shamed for wanting help and support in taking care of their children and its sad we must keep defending this.

Mahnoor Jalal

Mahnoor Jalal

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When will our society learn to stop putting women on such a high pedestal by blaming them for wanting outside help when it comes to childcare or running a house? Within desi families, the mother is more than ever made to live up to the image of a “super mom”: she must be the perfect wife, bahu, hostess who makes the best food and keeps the house clean and not to forget the perfect mother whose children are solely brought up by her and must be well behaved and polite. If she makes a mistake or fails to meet these expectations our judgement of these mothers falls to personifying them “lazy” or “bad examples”, when mothers are human beings like anyone else who do not need to prove to men especially that they can handle everything on their own.

This conversation sparked on Twitter when a man decided that he would judge women for choosing to hire nannies and help for childcare and house chores, without assuming whether the men she was living with are also helping her or not

Women on Twitter were quick to come in defense of the mothers this tweet was targeting by questioning that why were such expectations solely thrown over women? Why aren’t men questioned about why they aren’t putting more effort in taking care of our house chores and the upbringing of children? These are the same men who think the next generation has been brain washed because mothers let them listen to baby shark on their phone or watch too much television, but it’s still completely acceptable for ignore the exhaustion and poor mental health of mothers who must toil all day to keep the house clean and children safe without having a proper wage or rest?

Our society needs to let go of the ridiculous belief that because a man earns he is exempted from completing house chores. It’s his house as well and also his children, so therefore he has a responsibility to make effort in this.

And also if a woman is employed and must earn to make sure the house keeps running, why can’t she hire help to take care of her children? Why do we consistently demand mothers to keep performing the triple shift burden and isolate them this way if they admit that they need help? Motherhood is a tough job and it is never shameful for any woman to admit that she needs help in taking care of her children. It’s especially not shameful if a woman wants to continue pursuing her education or her career after having children.

So to any man reading these tweets and shaking his head at the fact that women actually want to have lives outside of taking care of their babies, do everyone a favor before speaking and actually take care of your house and your children to understand the situation women are made to go through. And to Pakistani women, it isn’t shameful to admit that you want help to take care of your children. You deserve rest and a decent wage if you’re a housewife because it’s an impossible duty to carry and most of all women deserve empathy from our society for not being perfect all the time.